I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.