I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying