I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
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On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???