Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right