I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Wat do u mean how?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me