I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance