We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.