Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
