Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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