ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
