my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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