we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
