Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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