I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
