peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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