Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
