And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
