finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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