Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
