remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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