I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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