he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
