Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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