i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
