why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
