I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
