do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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