i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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