Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
