Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
