Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
