Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
