guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
