You can't motorboat a personality
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
