I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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