I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
