he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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