maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
