had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
