I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize