"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Church boner. Awkwardddd
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
