I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
