There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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