Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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