Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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