How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
