Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
