Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
