Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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