you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
