just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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