I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
