Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
