dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
