I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
