my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
