Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
