I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
