this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
