dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
