I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
