It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
