I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
