i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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