I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
