Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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