South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
