Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
