I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
