im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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