I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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