guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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