i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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