Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
