I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
