just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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