He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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