You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
