I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
